Mr. Cool

Whoever says that I don’t know what goes on in my mind is a fool. I am very much aware and in control of my senses and emotions.

In fact I am such a control- freak that whatever I do involves a lot of studying, careful planning and calculations before undergoing a particular undertaking.

And I am very good at it. I seldom make mistakes and err in my judgments and decisions.
That’s why I was never caught and never will be.

I tell you, in a country like the Philippines where most law enforcers are corrupt, inefficient or ignorant about the basics on the proper procedures in investigation and gathering pieces of evidence, I can say that I will remain scot-free for the rest of my life.

You can bet your life on it.

I’ll tell you a story about this girl whom I happened to befriend while attending a disco party in Alabang. She came from a well-to-do family and drives her own car- a black Mazda 323.

We became close friends and became intimate in so short a time. We both discovered that we were both the adventurous type and then would drive around the streets of Metro Manila until the wee hours of the morning.

We would then pass the night in the sea walls of the Cultural Center of the Philippines Complex and had our breakfast in one of the food stalls there. This goes on for about 3 months until I decided that I had enough of her presence.

During one of our adventures, this happened around one cold December morning in the year of the Dog- I decided to finally push through with my plans.

We checked-in inside one of those drive-in motels in Paranaque and ordered some food and beer, had rough sex and fell asleep due to sheer exhaustion.

At 2:30 am I woke up, got my Marlboro Classics leather belt and strangled her with it.

It was so fast that all I can remember was her eyes!

Those big black eyes gouged, that stared and looked at you in blank horror as she finally succumbed to her death.

I then sat on the edge of the bed and lighted a stick of Lucky while contemplating what course of action is best under this particular circumstance.

After a couple of puffs, I flipped the butt into the toilet and flushed it down the drain. I wiped all the things inside the room with the towel erasing whatever fingerprints and other telltale signs that the police might find.

I then plucked three pubic hairs to add to my growing collection, dressed her up and carried her limp body to the garage and inside the car.

I called the motel attendant, handed him a 1000 peso bill told him to keep the change and handed me the gate pass.

I then drove to Coastal road and stopped in an isolated bridge to dump her lifeless body into the murky waters of the creek. I then sped away in her Mazda 323 and proceeded to Bangkal in Makati City where I cleaned the car of whatever traces that police would lead them to me and leave it in one of the streets there.

It was already 5:00 am so I hailed a cab and told the driver to take me to Chowking- Padre Faura in Malate where I have my breakfast of sweet ham and hot coffee while admiring the beautiful hookers who were flocking to the Chinese Fats Food chain to satiate their appetite after a night‘s work.

Then I went home, took a hot shower and slept the day away…

Kung Hei Fat Choi

Tears rolled down on my cheeks as I butchered bulbs and bulbs of Onions in succession.

Just several minutes ago, I sliced the belly of the Green Bell Peppers to minuscule proportions.

The Big Red Tomatoes lying perfectly still on the rattan baskets are waiting for their turn to face the grim ripper.

My chopping board was the silent witness of the fury and sharpness of my blades.

I have labored and worked my butt out since 10 o’clock in the morning.

I have prayed to the gods and summoned all of my culinary skills and talent for this. The occasion was in preparation for the coming of the Chinese New Year.

My Boss told me yesterday in his trademark baritone voice that I will be the host for this year’s celebration.

The timing was really great- I had just paid off all my bills and I only have a few hundred bucks left in my pocket. I don’t even have a credit card in the first place. I am really in a tight fix.

But you can’t tell that to your Boss. So I accepted the challenge albeit grudgingly.

Aah, with a little help from a friend and a touch of Pinoy ingenuity I know I can breeze through it without much problem.

At a little past 9 in the evening, the doorbell rang and I dashed to open the huge Molave door of my Bachelors pad in New Manila.

In came rushing my balding fifty-something, pot-bellied Boss strutting like a Chinese General of yore followed by his foot soldiers- my giggling and boisterous officemates!

I told them to help themselves in the bar as I excused myself to prepare the table.

I popped a bottle of Moet et Chandon and proposed a toast for luck and prosperity in the coming year.

They complimented my cooking and marveled at my vast knowledge on the intricacies of culinary art and fine dining.

We were really having a grand time when the cacophony of sounds coming from the exploding firecrackers outside and the sight of bright and psychedelic colors of firecrackers that illuminated Manilas dark and polluted skies caught our attention.

We all rushed to the window and watched the grand display punctuated with wild merry-making as the effect of the booze began to set in.

Laughter and a staccato of voices filled every nook and crannies of the pad.

I glanced at the old grandfather’s clock in the corner and noted just 5 minutes to the big bang, so to speak.

The Snake was making his graceful exit making way for the coming of the galloping Horse when the final countdown began.10..9..8..7..6.. -when it finally came down to zero, the place exploded with shouts of "Kung Hei Fat Choi" as we hugged, kissed and patted each others back to welcome the New Year while outside the sounds of the firecrackers and colorful bright lights of the fireworks were at a crescendo!

When it was all over, they thanked me for the sumptuous feast and for being the gracious host that I am while at the back of my mind I could not help but thank my friend whose head was being cooled or whatever that remains of himself inside the freezer in the basement for helping me in my predicament.

A true friend indeed, ‘til the end.